Monday, 11 March 2013

see you on the other side

i find i cannot do new beginnigs on here. i find that i wish i had not deleted my other posts. i did. and i moved on. the struggle continues. but there is too much negativity associated with this blog. so if you ever come across this, you can find me on you can just type perfection of self In My Cup on your Google engine.

Monday, 25 February 2013

no possible title

well, i think i just blocked my yahoo email, which is my primary email, because i was trying to log into the blogger app in my phone and it wouldn't let me. so i discovered there are blogger apps fro android, but it would only accept my other gmail account, which i borrowed from a friend for purposes of my other two public blogs. but i need this blog on my phone, it will allow for daily updates -.- but nooo. urgh. so, i thought i would remember the whole weeks intake, but i can't. looking to fix that problem. i.e with my phone. last week wasnt too bad, i was at home, i lost a few lbs, my clothes were loose..but then friday was the girl's birthday and i had a whole dinner thing planned, which didnt quite go as i would have liked...whats new. but she sorta liked it, or liked that i made such a fuss over it. smug little anyway, so as long as she liked it? im meant to be wroking on my dissertation, which i am to be honest, but for some reason i cant seem to sit down and really pay it any attention. i dont really know why am in school to be honest. anyway..update soon

Monday, 18 February 2013

Final Call

I deleted every single post from like the last two years. i went through all of them, and it was abit of a much anger, so much pain. and i can honestly say i am having a rougher year so far. but here i am. slightly always sad, but what is new? So this is my last attempt at this, this being, writing about my life on here, my struggles with my family, my eating and my general state of...craziness. i say final because i cannot keep posting a final call every few days. i need to reinvent myself. i need to try and live a little. maybe i have tried, haha, maybe i haven't. last August i got to my lowest weight. i won't say what it was because it wasn't my UGW, but my mum came back sick, and tired and we had a really bad fight about my bones and such, and i could not see myself making her worry about me besides everything else. so i gained weight. needless to say, i detest it. i dream about it, i think about it, but for some reason i am back to being stuck between these ten pounds that do not want to leave me alone. i have good days of restricting, fasting, and then days where i wake up with a greasy sausage in my mouth (days i spend at the girl's house) and i cry and i piss and moan about it. but i am done. final call. the last of it all. i miss my bones, more than i miss my girl's kisses.